Bonjour, I'm David Suchet. I play the Belgian detective Hercule Poirot. I do alright, i make a few quid but i got this Peter Ustinov character givin it all this "im Hercule Poirot , mate, get out me way im gettin' me petrol", then last monday he's behind my back trying to tell me how to play the fruit machines and leanin' over doin' my nudges.

Now hes going, "Oi Suchet, i reckon i can get round your kitchen better than you can.. and i havent even been there HAHAHA!". That got me really angry, Usinov isnt going to make me look like a fool in my own home, no way! I'll show him.

See my friends at Mantlepies.com